Restless Heart Read online

  Perhaps he was dreaming. Why would both of them be so far from the ward? Lettie was married to Josiah Brown, a church elder and stern man, who tolerated no deviations from what he considered to be the truth. Then there was Silas Hunter, a man who would never allow his precious daughter to be away from Tolson, and most especially, not kissing an Indian in the street.

  “Lettie?”

  “Yes, Jonathan.”

  “Am I dreaming?” He touched his dusty face, wondering if he’d find a fever or some other cause for the strange happenings.

  “No, you’re not.” Lettie stepped toward him, her arms crossed and a fierce scowl on her face.

  “Why are you here? And for that matter, how did you get here?” Jonathan was full of questions, but those two were the ones he simply had to know.

  “We’re here because this is where we stopped, and God apparently thought it great fun to bring you here as well.” Lettie moved close enough he could see the sheer fury in her eyes. “I’m here because I got tired of Josiah’s iron fists and the sting of his whip. I’m here because I wanted to live my life without cowering every day, wondering what infraction I might commit to warrant a beating. I’m here because I chose to be here, and there’s not a damn thing that bastard can do about it.”

  Jonathan knew Josiah was mean, but he’d had no idea how bad it was being married to him. A whip? Lord have mercy on Lettie and all she’d been through. He couldn’t even think of a single thing to say.

  “You’d best forget what and who you saw here.” Lettie’s statement was more of a warning or a threat.

  “But what about Angeline?” His heart stuttered at the thought of never seeing her beautiful face again. He loved her and wanted her for his first and only wife.

  Lettie shook her head. “You lost her a year ago. A few months after you left, Josiah turned his gaze and her. She became his wife last August.”

  All the blood drained from Jonathan’s face, and he staggered beneath the weight of that awful news. “You lie.”

  “I wish I did. That girl, that woman, is one of the strongest people I’ve ever met. She did as she was bid and for her obedience, she lived with that monster for two months.” Lettie’s stern expression softened. “Angeline might look as if she would break without much effort, but she has a backbone of steel. If it weren’t for her, I’d be dead.” Her voice caught on the last word, and she sucked in a shaky breath.

  Jonathan felt as if someone had kicked him square in the chest. His heart clenched so tightly he almost stopped breathing. Josiah had taken Angeline to wife? the man had known how much they loved each other, how could he? To know his beautiful Angeline had lain beneath the old man made his stomach turn.

  “You ran,” he whispered.

  “No, we took our freedom and left. Josiah doesn’t give up what he covets though. He’s already sent one killer after us.” Lettie narrowed her gaze. “If you tell him where you saw us, she’s as good as dead.”

  Jonathan managed to make it to the steps of the hotel before he vomited in the bushes. What Lettie told him couldn’t possibly be true. Yet it appeared the two of them were there in a small town in Wyoming, unprotected and alone. He took a handkerchief from his pocket and wiped his mouth while he shook like a newborn calf.

  When he straightened up, Lettie was standing by his horse. Waiting.

  “I must speak to her.”

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea. She’s been on her own for nearly a year. Angeline is not the same girl you knew.”

  A year?

  “I still need to speak to her. Lettie, please, I love her. I can’t simply walk away and never see her again.” Jonathan couldn’t believe he was begging. “Please.”

  “In the morning then. Get yourself cleaned up and get some sleep. Your clothes could use a good brushing, too.” Lettie gestured to the building behind him. “The hotel is a nice one; you’ll find everything you need.”

  He wasn’t happy with waiting to speak to Angeline, but judging by the expression on Lettie’s face, he had no choice. She might just shoot him down if he tried to speak to Angeline before the morning. Lettie was one tough, cool, unmovable force.

  “Fine then, in the morning.” He stood, not surprised to feel weak in the knees. “Where should I meet you?”

  “Come to the restaurant across the street at six. I’ll be waiting for you and take you to Angeline.” Lettie leaned down until she was inches from his face. “I’m warning you, Jonathan Morton, I will do everything I must to protect her and me. Do you understand me?”

  He didn’t miss the threat, that was for sure. “Yes, Lettie. I understand. Don’t worry; I won’t betray you.”

  She stared at him a few moments later then straightened. “See you at six tomorrow.”

  With that, she walked away, leaving Jonathan on the steps of the hotel, confused and heartbroken. He wondered if he’d even be able to sleep.

  Angeline dreamt of Sam, of his hands, his mouth, his dark eyes. She woke with her entire body humming with need. Something she had no experience with and was therefore frustrated beyond measure to not understand how to relieve it, other than being with Sam again.

  She splashed cold water on her face, which helped a little but not much. Her nipples actually ached, and when she took off her night-rail, the cool morning air made them pucker even harder. She looked down at the rosy tips and touched them with her fingertips. A pure bolt of lightning shot down her body directly between her legs.

  Angeline gasped at the sensation, so she touched them again, this time with thumb and forefinger. It felt even better and eased the ache within her. She closed her eyes and imagined it was Sam touching her. His callused skin caressing hers.

  A knock at the door startled her, breaking the spell of imagining what might happen.

  “What?”

  “Good morning to you, too.” Lettie sounded like her usual chipper self. “Get downstairs. It’s nearly five, and you haven’t started the biscuits yet.”

  Angeline stuck out at her tongue at the closed door. “I’ll be right there.”

  She was confused and excited by everything that had gone on with Sam, and what could happen. If she was smart, she’d talk to someone about what she was feeling, but Angeline didn’t feel comfortable telling someone. It was so personal, and truthfully, a little embarrassing.

  Was this what people felt all the time? If so, she realized what Josiah had forced on her was simply against nature. Sam had shown her what it meant to be gentle, respectful, and still find pleasure.

  Angeline dressed quickly, her mind still buzzing with questions she didn’t have answers to. Lettie waited for her at the bottom of the stairs, her foot tapping and a scowl on her face.

  “You know people might think your face has a permanent frown.” Angeline was pleased to see Lettie’s mouth twitch.

  “Get in the kitchen and bake.” The older woman ushered her through the kitchen door.

  Marta was absent, so Angeline and Lettie stoked the fires, readying the oven for baking breakfast. It was an easy partnership; one they’d cultivated over the last year. Some folks never saw past the gruff exterior Lettie showed the world. She was really an emotional person, capable of great courage and deep friendship. Angeline would never made it on her own without Lettie by her side. She was closer to Angeline than her own sister Eliza.

  “I have something to tell you, and you’re not going to like it.” Lettie set the flour canister on the table.

  Angeline didn’t like the tone of her friend’s voice. It made the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. “What is it?”

  “Yesterday afternoon, I saw you with that man, Samuel Carver.” Lettie met her gaze. “He kissed you right on the street. You need to be more careful than that. I thought you understood the danger of getting involved with someone.”

  Angeline felt her cheeks heat. “I like him, Lettie. More than I ever did Jonathan.” That particular fact made her feel horrible, but she couldn’t help it. “I won’t stop
seeing him because you think I won’t be safe. I can’t. Sam is a part of me now.”

  “More than Jonathan?” Lettie stared at her.

  Angeline swallowed. “Yes, much more.”

  “I’m going to tell you something else, and you’ve got to promise not to have a fit of the vapors.”

  “What? Vapors?” Angeline’s heart thumped hard. “Tell me what’s going on.”

  “Someone else saw you with Sam.”

  “We were on the street, Lettie. Anyone could have seen—”

  Lettie grabbed her by the shoulders. “Listen to me, Angeline. It was Jonathan. He’s here in Forestville. He saw you and Sam.”

  At first, Angeline couldn’t grasp what Lettie had said. It couldn’t possibly be true. “Jonathan. My Jonathan?”

  “Not anymore. He’s just Jonathan Morton.” Lettie’s reminder stung.

  “What is he doing here? Why is he here?” Angeline’s throat grew tight as she tried to understand what was happening.

  “As luck would have it, he was on his way home and just happened to stop in Forestville.” Lettie shook her head. “It appears we are the butt of another of God’s jokes. If Jonathan tells Josiah…” For the first time, Angeline saw a crack in Lettie’s armor and real fear shone in her face.

  Angeline took Lettie’s cold hands in her own. “I’ll talk to him, tell him why we’re not there. He’ll understand. He can’t possibly betray us.”

  “Never doubt the evil of a man, no matter how good you think he is.” Lettie’s voice rang bitter.

  Everything Angeline had hoped for, everything she’d dreamed of doing with Sam, was about to come crumbling down around her. If Jonathan knew, that meant the LDS church would know soon. He was a good man, a devoted brother, and he would choose loyalty to God over his loyalty to an old love.

  “Is he still here in Forestville?”

  Lettie nodded. “I told him to stay at the hotel last night and be here at six this morning.”

  It was at least a start. Angeline knew she could try to convince him to keep their secret. They had loved each other, or at least she had thought it was love. Now, she knew they’d shared a deep friendship that had grown into infatuation, nothing more. What she already felt for Sam was stronger than any single moment spent she’d spent with Jonathan.

  “Then I’ll see him at six and find a way to convince him to keep his silence.” Angeline was surprised by how firm she sounded. She believed every word of it, which only strengthened her resolve to make it true.

  She would convince Jonathan he’d never seen them.

  The next thirty minutes went by quickly, too quickly. Angeline wiped her hands on a towel to get rid of the flour then looked toward the door to the dining area. Lettie gave her a quick hug and kissed her forehead. It was the most affection she’d ever received from her friend. It made Angeline’s throat grow tight, and she had to swallow three times before she felt more in control.

  She took a deep breath and opened the door. At first, she didn’t see anyone in the room, but then she stepped inside. Jonathan stood at the door, a stark expression on his face. He was so familiar, so dear to her, that affection for him washed over her. There he was, the only reminder of the life she could have had.

  Her heart kicked into a gallop, and suddenly, everything was too real. The stress of the last year washed over her, and a sob exploded from her throat. In seconds, Jonathan was there, pulling her into his arms. She leaned into him, his scent familiar and comforting.

  “Shh, it’s okay Angeline. It’s okay. I’m here now.” Jonathan’s crooned. “Don’t cry.”

  Angeline was so very tempted to simply let Jonathan take care of her, to give him control and take the burden off her shoulders. It would be easy.

  A year ago, she might have done just that. Yet, Angeline was not the same person she was then. She was stronger, smarter and more confident. She didn’t need a man to take care of her; she could take care of herself.

  Angeline extricated herself from his embrace and stepped back. Jonathan reached for her, but she held up her hands to stop him. She refused to allow herself to fall into the habit of letting a man take care of her.

  “Jonathan, it’s good to see you.” She managed a shaky smile.

  “Angeline, I can’t believe you’re here. Lettie told me the strangest story, but I just didn’t believe it.” Jonathan sounded hurt. “What happened?

  “Josiah offered for me, and my father accepted.” It sounded so simple, yet it was anything but. “I was raised to obey, Jonathan, so I did.” She shrugged away the pain, not wanting to relive it again. There were some things she’d never tell anyone.

  “How could you marry him? I don’t understand, Angeline.” Jonathan frowned. “Why didn’t you go to the church elders and try to find a way to wait for me?”

  She shook her head. “My father made an agreement with Josiah, not you. He saw potential to advance his position in the church. He is no fool and had no qualms about getting rid of at least one daughter with an advantageous marriage.”

  He frowned as his gaze searched her face. “Then why did you leave your husband? If it was such an advantageous marriage, then how could you leave?”

  “I tried to be a good wife, but there was nothing I could do to make him a good husband.” She took a deep breath, knowing that she was pushing her relationship with Jonathan by asking for his silence. “Jonathan, I have to ask you to not tell anyone you saw us.”

  His mouth dropped open. “You want me to simply forget I saw you, forget you are married, forget you were on the street kissing another man?” His words came out rushed.

  She took his hands in hers; they were cold and clammy, not to mention trembling. Angeline knew he was hurting, but she had to make him understand that, if he didn’t do as she asked, she’d be hurting worse, or perhaps dead. Jonathan was her friend, and she had to rely on that friendship.

  “Jonathan, you are very special to me. We grew up side by side; you were my best friend all my life. I need you to trust me, to believe I had no choice but to find another path in life.” She squeezed his hands. “Please, Jonathan, please.”

  “Angeline, I would do anything for you. I’d kill for you. I’d die for you. But I can’t forget what I saw. And I can hardly believe what I’m hearing.” He pulled away from her and sat down heavily. “I love you, Angeline. I wanted to marry you, have babies, and grow old with you.”

  Angeline sat in the chair beside him. “I did too, but it didn’t work out that way. Josiah has already snatched that opportunity from us, and we can never get it back. That door is closed and locked against us.”

  Jonathan banged the table with his fist. “I can’t just leave. What if I stay here with you? I can help take care of you.”

  “You can’t stay here. Your life is in Tolson, your faith is there.”

  “So is yours.”

  “No, it’s not. It will never be again either. There’s nothing back there for me but pain and death.”

  He scoffed. “You’re being dramatic. I’m sure Josiah would punish you, but death? You can’t mean that.”

  Angeline couldn’t begin to tell Jonathan how frightened she’d been for her life, the terror of having a man put a gun to her head and of never knowing whether, when she went to sleep, she’d wake up again. He couldn’t possibly understand either unless he’d been with her the last nine months.

  “He’s already sent one man to kill me. He’ll likely send more until he gets what he wants.”

  “I don’t believe it. Josiah might be a bit stern, but he’s not a murderer. He’s a well-respected brother.”

  Angeline’s anger bubbled up, something she hadn’t known existed inside her until her flight to freedom. “You don’t believe me. Then let me show you what your well-respected brother did.” She reached for the button on her blouse.

  “What are you doing?”

  She ignored his protestations, finished unbuttoning her blouse, then turned and pulled it down from her shoulders. His
gasp told her the view of the lash scars on her back were visible. Each mark was an inch of agony, a piece of her soul ripped from her.

  Tears stung her eyes, but she blinked them away and put her shirt back on. Her hands trembled so badly she could hardly manage the buttons. By the time she turned around to face him, she had regained control of her emotions.

  Jonathan looked pale and stricken. “Josiah did that to you?”

  “That’s only a small bit of what he did to me.” Angeline shuddered, remembering the perversity Josiah enjoyed in his bed with implements of pain and even multiple partners. She swallowed hard and pushed aside the darkness. “I will not go back to him, even if it means dying.”

  “I don’t think it needs to come to that. Angeline, I had no idea.” He shook his head, his eyes full of sympathy. “I’m so sorry.”

  She sat back down and clenched her hands together so he wouldn’t see how badly she was shaking. It was too important to keep her focus on what awaited her in the future instead of what had happened in the past.

  “You’ve nothing to be sorry for. I told you we will always be friends. You have always been a part of my life, but my future isn’t with you.” She was pleased to see resignation on his face rather than disbelief.

  “I think I believe that now.” Jonathan ran his hands down his face. “I almost want to believe the last day was a dream, or a nightmare anyway.”

  Angeline managed a smile. “Unfortunately, it’s not. I am glad to see you, but you must promise me you’ll not tell anyone you saw us.”

  “I won’t tell anyone, but in return I’d like to come see you again.” He still appeared as though he was having trouble accepting the fact she was no longer his.

  “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  He leaned forward and touched her clasped hands. “Please, Angeline. As you said, we’ve been a part of each other’s lives for so long, I can’t just never see you again.”

  Angeline felt her refusal wavering and had to put some distance between them. She walked toward the big window and looked out into the street. The sunrise painted the street in pink and orange, its beauty reminding her the world was not always full of dark corners and shadows.