Restless Heart Page 5

  Sam smiled shakily. “Yes, it’s Marta and Pieter’s restaurant. Why don’t I get you settled in your room for a nap?”

  With each painful step, he led his father to his room, realizing the older man’s shirt was inside out at the same time he smelled something suspiciously like urine. It was acrid enough to make Sam’s eyes water.

  He spied an overfull chamber pot beneath the bed and realized he hadn’t been keeping an eye on his father’s hygiene. No doubt he’d simply forgotten to empty it. For a week.

  Sam held his breath as his father laid down. When the older man was tucked beneath the blanket, Sam blinked away the sting of tears in his eyes. This was a bad day for his father, one of the worst so far. It brought the entire situation to a screaming problem—one Sam would have to face.

  First though, he’d empty the chamber pot and clean up a bit. By the time he finished, he looked at the clock on the mantel and found he was half an hour late.

  “Shit.”

  Sam ran out of the house, his mind in a turmoil over what to do about his father. He wondered how he would explain to Angeline why he was late without revealing his father’s secret. Then he wondered if she’d understand.

  No one waited outside the restaurant, so he stepped in to find Angeline sitting at a table by herself. Her gaze was full of questions and some disappointment. Sam sighed and ran a hand down his face.

  “I’m sorry, Angel. I meant to be here on time, but something happened with my father.” He tried to think of a delicate way to tell her, but his emotions were still running too high.

  “Your father? He runs the newspaper, right? Is he all right?” She rose to her feet, still looking distant and unsure. Sam noticed her blue dress was tattered at the edges, often mended if he wasn’t mistaken. He told himself he’d make sure she got a new dress as soon as he could afford one.

  “Yes, he’s fine. His name is Michael. He used to be the school teacher. Then he took over the newspaper about five years ago.” Sam remembered how excited his father had been about the paper, especially after he’d been replaced by a younger, cheaper teacher.

  “What happened?”

  Sam swallowed. “Pa had an accident with the printing press. It was a huge mess.”

  Liar.

  The smile he managed to find was nothing short of pitiful. “Can we still go for a walk? I also need to visit with Cab.” He needed to have some sunshine, some sweetness. The dark shadows in his life were sometimes overwhelming. Time with Angeline was the only lightness he had.

  “Of course. I’d like some fresh air.” She picked up a brown shawl and wrapped it around her shoulders.

  Sam held out his arm, and thankfully, she took it. Just having her beside him, touching him, was enough to lift the strangling sensation he’d had since his father’s comments had cut into him so deeply.

  The sun greeted them as they walked outside, and Sam sucked in a deep breath. Angeline’s sweet scent entered him, washing through him and leaving behind the feeling that he’d been in a cleansing rain.

  “How far is the lake?”

  “Not too far. Just past the livery, there’s a copse of cottonwood trees and then the lake. It’s small but pretty deep. When I was a boy, I used to go swimming with my mother there. She taught me how to stay afloat.” He smiled at the memory, both sweet and painful knowing she had been gone for ten years already. Sam missed her but knew she was part of the earth now, nurturing it as she had in life.

  “You swam in a lake with your mother?” She sounded amazed. “She taught you?”

  Sam wondered just what kind of parents Angeline had endured. “Yes, she did. My mother was half-Shoshone.”

  He wondered if Angeline would walk away from him now she knew he was what many people called a half-breed. His father had loved his mother deeply as a man to a woman, not as a white man to an Indian. Sam had known love from both his parents and had never known what true hate was, until he’d left their care to take on the world two thousand miles east.

  That thought was for another day, so he pushed it aside.

  “What is Shoshone?”

  “It’s an Indian tribe that lives mostly in Idaho. That’s where my parents met.” He smiled at the story his mother had told of how his father had been chased up a tree by a cougar and she’d rescued him. It had never failed to make her laugh and his father bluster about how the cat was bigger than a horse.

  “An Indian tribe. Oh, that’s what Alice meant.” Angeline turned to look at him. “She mentioned your heritage, so I guess it’s where you get the dark hair and eyes?”

  She sounded sincere and incredibly innocent. Sam found it unique and so appealing he didn’t know how to react. All his life, he’d been treated differently, as if there were something wrong with him because his mother had been Indian. Angeline had none of that prejudice, and he couldn’t help but wonder why.

  “Yes, Indians have dark hair and eyes.” He tried to think of a way to ask her without sounding like an idiot. “You haven’t heard of Indians?”

  She shook her head. “I grew up in a…um, very secluded community. We didn’t really have much contact outside the community.” She sounded as if she regretted every word that popped out of her mouth.

  Sam didn’t know where she’d grown up, but it didn’t sound like a fun place to live. Considering how uncomfortable she seemed, he decided not to ask any questions, especially on their first outing together.

  The cool air was warmed by the sun as they walked side by side down the street. He ignored the looks from people who stared at them, embarrassed to wonder if they were staring at him, or at her, or maybe even both of them.

  When they reached the end of the sidewalk, he breathed a sigh of relief to be away from the prying eyes of the people of Forestville. Sam was accepted in town, but not necessarily into people’s homes. Even though he was only a quarter Indian, his black hair and eyes set him apart from everyone else. He didn’t want Angeline to feel the sting of his social status, but if she didn’t understand it at all, he had no idea how to explain it to her.

  They walked another ten minutes until they arrived at the trees. He immediately felt better, more relaxed. The lake shimmered in the afternoon sun like floating crystals. Enough to make him shade his eyes and slow his pace.

  Angeline sucked in a breath. “It’s lovely.” Her voice was hushed.

  “In the summer, the grass is thick beneath your feet, the sun warm on your face, and the water cool on your skin.”

  She shivered hard enough he felt it. “I imagine you must love it here. I know I would.” She sighed.

  Sam looked at her, stunned by the change in Angeline. Inside the restaurant, she was beautiful, but out in the bosom of nature, she was exquisite. Her long hair shone like spun gold, wisps blowing softly in the breeze. Her normally pale complexion had already become rosy, making her look healthier, more alive. Her blue eyes sparkled as she gazed around her.

  She belonged outside with nature. The spirits that lived around them gave her the gift of life, of that he was certain. Angeline was a creature of the earth, not one that belonged in a hot kitchen. He wished he could build her a home out here, where she could live in harmony with everything around her.

  She turned and smiled at him, her gaze so full of unrestrained joy it was his turn to catch his breath. His body surged with heat, with attraction and the purest connection he’d ever felt.

  He stepped toward her, closing the gap between them until mere inches separated them. Sam took her hands in his and pulled her flush against him. Her eyes widened, not with fear, but with excitement.

  “Will you kiss me again, Sam?”

  He managed a smile although every nerve in his body snapped to attention. “I want to, Angel. I can’t imagine ever wanting something more.”

  She rose on her tiptoes and pressed her lips to his with a clumsiness that only made him want her more. Sam accepted her gift, the kiss of a woman to a man. It was brief, barely a brushing of mouths, but it made him bu
rn for her with a fire he hadn’t expected.

  When they drew apart, he blew out a shaky breath as their gazes met. An answering fire burned in her beautiful blue eyes.

  This time, he pulled her against him until he couldn’t tell where he ended and she began. They were one being, sharing space, breath, and themselves. As his mouth descended on hers, she closed her eyes again and he kissed her.

  This was not the sweet kiss she’d bestowed on him or even the gentle kiss from their previous encounters. No, this was something much different, more elemental, passionate, and consuming. Her lips were soft and unsure, moving against his. He taught her how to kiss, how to move with him. Sam showed her how much he wanted her, kissing and licking her lips from one end to the other.

  Angeline sighed when he nibbled at her lower lip, giving him the opportunity to dive into her mouth. She froze, almost in fear. Sam gentled his touch, delicately lapping at her tongue until she began to melt against him once more. She made tentative movements, the sweet heat of her mouth promising so much more.

  Sam shook with the force of his arousal, needing so much more. His dick hardened, pulsing hard and fast against her soft belly. He felt her stiffening again and pulled back from the precipice he teetered on.

  Angeline made a soft sound in her throat as he forced himself to break contact with her. Their breaths came in short bursts while Sam’s heart threatened to burst from his chest it was beating so hard.

  They stared at each other, and Sam saw the same confusion he felt reflected in her gaze.

  “What just happened?” she blurted.

  Sam shook with the power of their connection. He’d never expected to find something so raw with someone he’d just gotten to know. However, he couldn’t fight what was clearly in front of him.

  “It appears we were supposed to go courting.”

  She frowned. “I don’t even know what that means. Sam, I feel funny inside, like I can’t catch my breath.”

  He took her hand. “Me, too.”

  “Sam, I’m scared.” She pulled away from his touch. “I want to go back.”

  Sam took her hand again. “Then we’ll go back. I don’t want you to be scared, Angel.” He kissed the back of her hand as it sat clammy and cool in his. They started walking back toward town. “I would never hurt you.”

  Angeline nodded. “I know that. Somehow, I know that. I’m scared because I’ve never felt this way. Kissing isn’t supposed to do that.”

  He stopped to look at her. “What do you mean?”

  She looked around, flushed and flustered. “Kissing is supposed to be a chore, endured because that’s what men like. It’s not supposed to make me all warm in places I can’t mention.”

  Sam suddenly felt something other than arousal. Pure fury pushed it aside. “Who hurt you, Angel?”

  She shook her head. “Nobody.” Her gaze fell to the ground as if she couldn’t bear to look at him.

  “That’s the first time you’ve lied to me.”

  “Sam, this is a bad idea. I don’t think we can court anymore.” Tears glistened in her eyes, and she stepped away from him. “I won’t let you make me do it either.”

  Sam let his arms fall to his sides. “I would never make you do anything.”

  She started to walk away from him when he spoke again. “But I think I’m already in love with you.”

  Angeline sucked in an audible breath and stopped, pebbles tinkling around her boots. “What?”

  Sam closed his eyes and leapt off the cliff. What did he have to lose?

  “I think I fell in love with you the moment I saw you sitting on the steps in the sunset, reading. It was as if something compelled me to come around the corner and find you.” He had to make her understand, to stop her from walking away. Sam had a feeling if she did, there wouldn’t be another chance to tell her what he needed to say. “I don’t know if you believe in fate, but everything in my life has led me to you. Then when we kissed, I felt whole. It feels like love to me.”

  Angeline turned, and he saw tears streaming down her beautiful face. His heart constricted at the idea he’d made her weep. “Angel, I—”

  She leapt into his embrace and hugged him so tightly he forgot to breathe. Sam held on tight, knowing he held the rest of his life inside his arms.

  Chapter Four

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  Angeline peered at her reflection in the spoon. She was going to see Sam at his house, meet his father, and have dinner. Sunday was a day she’d spent most of her life on her knees in prayer or in service. Now, she’d be spending it with the man who had shown her what it meant to be loved.

  She didn’t know if she loved Sam or not, but everything she felt when she was with him was so different, it was definitely more than anything she’d ever known. At the very least, she was falling in love with him. He was smart, considerate, and downright fascinating. In retrospect, it made her relationship with Jonathan appear shallow and fleeting.

  If her sister Eliza had been there, Angeline would ask her what it all meant, but she was on her own. Courting in the real world was so different than inside the LDS. She was like a blind woman feeling her way around a dark room. Lettie didn’t approve and made no secret of it.

  Angeline was completely out of her element, and yet she’d never felt so happy. Every moment she spent with Sam was like a gift, a treasure to tuck away inside her heart. Oh, she wasn’t fool enough to believe there wasn’t anything bad in the world of courting. Being with Josiah had taught her too much about the evil that men do.

  Perhaps, she was just being blind to that darkness. Maybe she wanted to be that way because of how Sam made her feel. Even her nipples ached when he kissed her, not to mention the place between her legs. The secret place a woman guarded from everyone but her husband. It was his to do with as he pleased, no matter what she wanted.

  Angeline refused to live like that anymore. She wanted to make the decisions about her own body. When she and Lettie had left Tolson, had taken the chance of leaving their husband and his invisible prison, they took control of their futures and their bodies. Lettie was the rock she leaned on as they forged their way ahead.

  Of course, there was no comparison between Josiah and Sam, other than the fact they were both male. She wouldn’t even call Josiah a man however; he was a coward and a bully. Every morning the sun rose, she watched the beauty playing out in front of her and felt blessed to be away from the darkness of Josiah’s house.

  Now, she was going to Sam’s home to meet his father, and perhaps, take another step toward a normal life. If she could even figure out what normal was supposed to be. Now that she’d been away from the LDS ward for eight months, she realized what she’d been taught, how she’d lived and believed was completely different from the rest of the world.

  Whatever it was she had with Sam, it defied everything she’d known. Although she was scared out of her mind, for once in her life, she was going to follow her heart. She hadn’t done that a year earlier when Josiah had offered for her and she’d wanted to wait for Jonathan. Instead, she’d obeyed her father.

  Not anymore.

  “What are you doing?” Lettie’s voice was hard.

  Angeline didn’t turn to look at her in the doorway. “I’m going to meet Sam’s father and have dinner with them.” She was proud her voice was firm and decisive.

  “Didn’t you learn your lesson? Courting and spending time with folks is a good way to get yourself killed.” Lettie shut the door and stepped into the small room. “No matter how good he makes you feel inside, you’re putting yourself in danger.”

  Her brown eyes were serious, but within their depths, Angeline also saw concern. They had been through a lot together, and although they didn’t act it most of the time, the two of them had a bond no one could ever understand or break.

  “Sam is no danger to me.”

  “Yes, he is. He’s dangerous to your heart. You’ve been mooning over him for two months, ever since he gave you that cursed book.” Lettie pick
ed up the book in question, shook it at her, then tossed it on the bed. “Don’t throw away everything you’ve risked for one man’s kisses. It isn’t worth it. You’ve just risked everything to escape from that kind of servitude.” Her voice was high-pitched and nearly desperate now.

  Angeline took her friend’s hands and was shocked to find them shaking. “Lettie, I won’t throw anything away. I’m following my heart.”

  Lettie’s eyes glistened with unshed tears. “That’s what I’m afraid of. A heart shouldn’t do anything but beat and keep you alive. If you follow your heart, you’re going to regret it.” By the tone in her voice, Lettie had done just that.

  Angeline was shocked to realize someone had hurt Lettie before Josiah. Whoever it was had damaged her heart badly enough the pain still echoed years later.

  “Whoever hurt you should be whipped.”

  Lettie appeared a bit flushed. “Ain’t nobody to whip.”

  “What happened?”

  “Nothing worth talking about.” Lettie flapped her hand in dismissal. “I was a stupid fool, and it’s done.”

  “No, not a fool. It’s called being human. You might want to try it some time.” Angeline was pleased to see the corners of Lettie’s mouth kick up in a grin.

  “I’ll think about it.”

  They grinned at each other at the familiar phrase. It was something they’d repeated to each other during the long journey east, when they’d been scared out of their minds, waiting for Josiah to appear and drag them back. One night, they huddled behind rocks in the Utah night with only the stars and each other for company. Side by side, they’d survived by sheer willpower alone.

  Lettie was stronger than Angeline. She was the one who’d kept them going when Angeline had wanted to give up. Lettie had pushed and pushed, had made them talk about the inanest topics just to keep alive. Whenever Lettie had encouraged Angeline to talk about something new, she’d groaned and snapped, “I’ll think about it.”

  It had become a familiar phrase, something they’d repeated to each other like a battle cry. It had made them both stronger, tougher, able to handle any challenge that came their way. After the near miss in Utah, they’d realized that they had to be even more careful.