Hell for Leather Page 12

  “Fine, I’m going.” A swirl of snow came in as she went out.

  Sabrina glanced at Cade, his complexion pasty in the orange light from the fire. “I’m sorry you got hurt.”

  “Stupid horse. Ornery cuss tried to bite me a few days ago.” Cade closed his eyes.

  “Maybe he’d be better if you gave him a name.” She stood, needing to put some space between them. As she busied herself getting fresh water to clean the bloody rags from his head wound, she thought he’d fallen asleep.

  She was wrong.

  “Horse doesn’t need a name.”

  “Yes he does. You need to form a bond with him and that won’t happen unless he knows he’s your horse. Give him a name.” Sabrina didn’t know why it was important she convince him, but it was.

  “I don’t want to bond with him.” Cade was nothing if not stubborn.

  “You need to bond with someone. If it’s not going to be me, it might as well be that horse. He’ll be your only company soon since you came here to be alone.” She heard the pain in her voice and cursed her soft heart.

  Cade was silent for a few minutes before he spoke again. “She’s right, you know. I’m a gunslinger. You’d do best to forget about me, Sabrina. You deserve a man without a past like mine.”

  Sabrina could have shouted with joy to finally hear truth coming from his mouth. “You have no right to tell me what I deserve or what I should do.”

  “No, I don’t but that ain’t gonna stop me. I’m not a good man. I’ve killed people for money and spent it on whores and whiskey.” He sounded so full of self-hatred, tears pricked her eyes.

  “I don’t care what you did before you came here.”

  “You should.”

  Sabrina squeezed the water out of the rag and spread it out on the edge of the wooden sink. When she felt in control of her emotions, she walked back to Cade, and knew what she wanted, needed to do.

  He opened his eyes, their depths full of unnamed darkness. “Leave while you can.”

  She ignored his hoarse whisper. “No.” Kneeling down, she settled next to him and cupped his face in her hands. “I’m afraid it’s not that easy to get rid of me.”

  “Sabrina.” Her name was torn from his throat, and she could see the struggle within him. He wanted her to leave, but he had no choice. Sabrina controlled the situation and she chose not to.

  For better or for worse, Sabrina was there to stay.

  “I’m not the saint you think I am.” She took a deep breath, ready to tell Cade her deepest shame. “I’ve done things I’m not proud of.”

  “Like what, give someone the wrong change?”

  She frowned at his biting words. “You know, when Eric and I married, it was convenient. He wanted a wife, I wanted a husband. Ellen was already engaged to Whit Dawson, who worked at the mill with Eric.”

  “Your husband didn’t tend the store?” He sounded surprised.

  “No, Eric worked with his hands. He loved being outdoors.” She closed her eyes and pictured his freckled face and easy smile. “He was a good man who couldn’t help who he fell in love with.”

  “You’re an easy woman to love.”

  Sabrina’s heart skipped a beat. “He didn’t love me, he loved Ellen.”

  She let that sink in before she continued. “I didn’t know until after he was dying. God, I was so blind.” Pain washed through her. “Whit found out, you see, when he saw them talking together one night at the mill. He went crazy and fought with Eric while Ellen watched.”

  Cade’s hand touched hers. “What happened, Brina?”

  Sabrina took in a shaky breath. “Whit stabbed him in the chest while she watched, then cut up her face so no man would ever want her again. There was s-so much blood.”

  He squeezed her hand. “Were you there?”

  “No, but Jeremiah came and got me. I arrived just before Eric died, with a bleeding Ellen sobbing over his body.” She closed her eyes at the memory. “I never knew. I was so stupid that I never guessed they loved each other.”

  “Did they fall in love before or after you were married?”

  “Does it matter?” Sabrina could only wonder. “It cost them both so much. Eric lost his life and Ellen might as well have lost hers for all the living she’s done in the last five years.”

  “Jesus, you think that’s your fault? Hell, your husband was cheating on you—”

  “They never cheated.”

  “With his heart he was, don’t you dare tell me different.” Cade’s fierce expression told her he cared she’d been hurt, which was surprising and amazing. “You were the victim here, not them. They chose to be together, chaste or not, and got caught.”

  Sabrina tried not to think about what Eric and Ellen had done or hadn’t done. In thought or deed, they had forsaken her.

  “They suffered more than I ever did,” she said quietly.

  “What happened to Whit?”

  “He ran, never came back. Without a regular lawman there was nothing we could do.” She looked into Cade’s dark eyes. “I was angry, so angry at God, at Eric, at Ellen, at everyone. I didn’t speak to her for a year.”

  Those dark days following Eric’s death were the lowest point in Sabrina’s life. In the end, she found the will to come back from the hellish pit she had existed in and started to live again.

  “You forgave.”

  Sabrina nodded. “I did because I had to. Forgiving them was the only way to release myself from the constant anger and hurt.”

  Cade lowered his gaze to their joined hands. “I wish I had your strength. I can never forgive anyone, not even myself.”

  ———

  Cade wanted to get his ass out of the cabin and ride hell for leather into Eustace with the two females currently driving him loco. The snow had been flying for twelve hours and full dark had turned the trip foolhardy and dangerous, yet he still wanted to leave.

  An army of ants were crawling up and down his skin as he lay there with his ribs screaming and head pounding. Not only that, but he had to suffer through Sabrina taking care of him as if he were a precious possession. Then there was Bernice, the eighty-year-old woman in the body of a teenage girl.

  He couldn’t imagine a deeper hell than being trapped with them until spring.

  Sabrina fluttered around, cooking up soup with turnips, of course, and biscuits that smelled like sunshine. Bernice glared at him from the kitchen while she peppered Sabrina with questions. Somebody who didn’t know him might think they were one big happy family.

  Cade hurt himself when he snorted.

  “Are you all right?” Sabrina paused in the middle of cutting out the biscuits with a tin cup. A spot a flour glowed white on her left cheek.

  His heart stuttered at the sight of the concern in her eyes. Dammit to hell, why did it have to be snowing? Why couldn’t she just have left when he told her to?

  “I’d be much better if the two of you would stop yammering and leave me the hell alone.” He sounded like a goddamn bully, for pity’s sake.

  “Nice try, but it won’t work.” Sabrina went back to the biscuits.

  Bernice continued to eyeball him. “He needs a muzzle.”

  Unbelievably, Cade stuck out his tongue at the pint-sized curmudgeon. She sniffed and turned away, leaving him to his self-imposed misery. A tiny voice deep inside nudged him, whispering he wanted the happy family in front of him.

  Jesus, he really was going loco.

  “So where are you from, gunslinger?”

  “I’m not talking to you if you can’t stop nagging me.”

  “I ain’t nagging. I’m just curious. You musta growed up in a city ’cause you don’t know shit about living out here.” Bernice smirked, daring Cade to contradict her.

  “Just because I’m not a mountain man doesn’t mean I can’t do anything, and you need to watch your language, little girl.” Her evaluation of him was, once again, dead on.

  “Ha, I knew I was right.” Smug too.

  “Fine, I lived in c
ities all my life until this year. I can swing a hammer, rope a cattle and even clean hooves. I ain’t much of a cook, but I can ride like the wind and I’m fast with…other things too.” Cade didn’t know why he felt the need to justify himself to the girl, but he did anyway.

  “Fast with other things? Like guns?” Bernice looked so damn sure of herself, Cade’s temper flew out of control.

  He launched himself off the bed, pleased to see a flash of fear in her eyes. Pain roared through his chest and he could hardly catch a breath, but he was determined.

  “Cade, what are you doing?” Sabrina rushed over to him, her flour-covered hands leaving smears on his skin.

  “I’m going to paddle her ass.” He headed for Bernice, who screeched and ran for the door.

  “Don’t you dare leave this cabin, young lady.” Sabrina sounded so fierce, even Cade stopped in his tracks. Wielding authority was yet another side to the complex woman, along with the shaking widow he’d comforted in the firelight. He wasn’t sure if he liked the bossy one or not.

  “He’s gonna hit me.” The girl had her hand on the latch, ready to run into the howling snowstorm rather than face his wrath.

  Since when did he go around threatening thirteen year olds? What the hell was wrong with him?

  “I’m not going to hurt you.” He met Sabrina’s gaze and saw something he hadn’t expected, understanding.

  “Why don’t you put a shirt on and I’ll make you some coffee to go with the biscuits?” She was nothing if not cheerful.

  Dammit.

  “Fine. I’ll sit at the table too. I’m tired of lying on that stupid bed like an invalid.” As he snatched the clean shirt off the hook on the wall, Sabrina’s warm hands landed on his back. A shudder of pure longing wracked him. God how he wanted her, and not just in his bed. It was much more than that.

  “Let me help you.”

  He didn’t protest, he simply allowed her to slip on the shirt, relishing her touch and concern. Only one person had ever made his way past his hard shell to his heart. Brett Malloy had become a friend for life. However, no woman had even come close. Cade was scared, terrified for God’s sake. His urge to leave the cabin grew to enormous proportions until he could hardly stand there one more second.

  She met his gaze and he wondered what she saw in the dark depths of his eyes. A sad smile graced her beautiful mouth.

  “I won’t hurt you, I promise,” she whispered a second before she kissed him.

  Cade closed his eyes, certain he’d do something stupid like cry if he kept them open. “No, but I’ll hurt you.”

  A small sigh gusted past his cheek. He couldn’t look at her, just couldn’t.

  “Have it your way, Mr. Brody.” She buttoned his shirt with crisp movements. “Just so you realize I’m not giving up that easily.”

  That’s exactly what he was afraid of. Or was the fear a disguise for hope?

  The snow let up in the morning, leaving a blanket of white that sparkled like diamonds in the sun. The bright blue in the sky seemed impossible after the horrendous storm, almost mocking the weather. Sabrina didn’t care if the storm was over or not, she knew it was the signal for Cade to get back to Eustace.

  She didn’t want to go. Being in the cabin, taking care of him, even making biscuits ignited a longing so deep, she could taste the tang on her tongue. She’d been married, had a home and a husband, but this was different. Beneath the everyday tasks like washing dishes and setting the table lurked a contentment she’d never known, as if this were what she was meant to do.

  Somehow in the last month, she’d fallen in love with Cade Brody, an admitted gunslinger with a grumpy disposition and a burning need to be left alone. The connection between them had been immediate and intense. She knew he felt it too, which was why he pushed her away.

  She’d cared for her husband, a sweet emotion that resembled a friendship more than a passion. What she felt for Cade was deeper, rougher, more elemental. It involved not only her heart, but her head and soul as well. She felt consumed by the need to learn more about him and be with him.

  When he’d confessed to being an ex-gunslinger, which obviously haunted him, she’d felt closer to him. Cade had tried to push her away, but instead he had pulled her closer. It seemed backwards, but to Sabrina, it made perfect sense. He felt comfortable enough to reveal such a dark thing about himself.

  Sabrina had suffered pain, loneliness and betrayal in her life. The night before she’d felt safe enough with Cade to share those memories with him. Judging by his behavior though, he wasn’t ever going to forgive himself or give their relationship a chance. If only he wasn’t so stubborn. Well, then he wouldn’t be himself and that was who she fell in love with.

  The coffee bubbled in the pot on the stove, reminding her that daydreams solved nothing. She turned away from the window and found Cade watching her. He’d pulled the shirt on, but he’d only done up three buttons on the bottom and they were misaligned. His dark hair stuck up like a witch’s broom. Darned if her heart didn’t stutter at the sight of him in the morning, just rising from his bed.

  “Good morning.” She picked up a cup and focused on the coffee instead of the sexy man who didn’t want to be with her.

  “That ain’t necessarily true.” He stepped up beside her. “What makes you think it’s good?”

  She ignored the expanse of chest revealed by the half-buttoned shirt. The very sight of it made her fingers itch to touch him, perhaps even nibble. Then she smelled his soap, a fresh clean scent that for some reason enticed her more.

  “For one thing, it’s stopped snowing and for another, there doesn’t appear to be any damage from the storm.”

  “At least not yet. My ribs and back are gonna kill me after I shovel a path to the damn horses.” He thrust an empty cup at her.

  “You can’t shovel snow with injured ribs.” She couldn’t even fathom why he’d think it was possible.

  “They’re just bruised.” He pushed at her shoulder until she faced him. His dark brows were in an angry V on his forehead. “I am taking you two back to Eustace if I have to kill myself doing it.”

  Sabrina swallowed his proclamation with all the bitterness he put into it. It hurt more than she expected. Every woman hopes the man she falls in love with will return the favor. However it seemed she picked the one man who would only regard her as a nuisance and do his best to be rid of her as quickly as possible.

  “You’re a bastard.” She slapped the coffee cup out of his hand, and it tinged on the floor with a hollow sound.

  “You got that right. My ma fucked so many men she didn’t know who’d left her with a squalling brat.” The ancient pain in his voice was only matched by the rancor that accompanied it.

  Sabrina didn’t know whether to be shocked or saddened by his confession about his mother’s sexual habits. She couldn’t imagine growing up knowing her mother had been promiscuous, or that apparently it was common knowledge.

  “I’m sure she didn’t think you were a squalling—”

  He stuck his finger in her face. “Don’t. Don’t even fucking think about judging me.”

  “I wasn’t going to. If you’d stop cussing at me and listen—”

  Cade picked up the coffeepot with his bare hand and threw it against the fireplace. Hot brew splattered everywhere like a dark bloodstain while the fire hissed and spat smoke. Sabrina stared at the mess, wondering how the situation had gotten so far out of control in moments.

  Bernice appeared in the doorway with an armful of wood. “I guess coffee ain’t gonna happen.” She kicked the door closed with her foot and stepped around them.

  Sabrina’s breath was trapped somewhere in her throat with her heart. Cade had never looked so frightening or so frightened. She reached for him and he pulled away, his face twisted in a mask of self-loathing and fury.

  “I’m never going to hate you.” Her words trembled almost as much as the rest of her. She’d felt a great many bad things before, but none of them were as painful as
what she felt in the face of Cade’s agony.

  “Then I pity you.” His expression hardened into stone. “We’re leaving in ten minutes.” With that, he snatched his coat from the hook on the wall and slammed out the door.

  Sabrina’s heart thumped in her ears as loud as a bass drum, as if she’d run from one end of New Mexico and back. Every muscle in her body was tight, almost to the point of pain. If anyone touched her at that moment, she might shatter into a thousand pieces.

  She didn’t know how long it took her to get her breath back, but Bernice had time to load up the wood box until it was full.

  “You about done? I think that man is fixing to leave without us.” The girl sounded matter-of-fact, not pitying or accusing, which helped ease the sting of her words.

  “I think so. I just… I’ve never… Oh I don’t know what I’m saying.” Sabrina’s shock and hurt gave way to anger, a deeper, stronger emotion that sustained her through the walk out to the lean-to. Although she knew he was there, waiting to hurl hurtful words, she marched on, determined.

  The slap of cold air made her eyes sting, along with the sun on the white snow. The pain reminded her that life went on even as she’d gasped for air minutes ago. Cade had meant to push her away, to cause irreparable damage to whatever relationship they’d built. He almost succeeded.

  The horses were saddled and Cade was just tightening the cinch on his horse. The bay reached around and tried to bite him, earning a chuckle from Bernice.

  “Stupid fucking horse.” Cade pushed at the equine’s great head. “Stop trying to eat me.”

  Sabrina took Felicidad’s reins and led the horse away from him. “I think it’s a natural reaction,” she tossed over her shoulder.

  “What about my things?” Bernice petted the mare’s nose. “I got a mule and stuff I don’t want to leave to the scavengers.”

  A dramatic sigh sounded from the other side of the gelding. “Where’s the mule?”

  “Over yonder.” Bernice pointed to the dense forest. “About a fifteen minute walk.”

  “Jesus please us.” Cade threw himself up into the saddle with a grunt, his black hat hiding his expression from them. Sabrina knew he must be in pain. His ribs barely had twelve hours to heal from the horse kick. “Then we best go get your brother.”